13 Reasons Why : Existing as a Black Woman amongst the violence of Men
Following another hollow acknowledgement of International Women’s Day, it’s been quite a week of violent misogyny and misogynoir. The disappearance of Sarah Everard and potential involvement of a police officer is very disturbing and has understandably shaken women. Black women have also faced the resurfacing of Blessing Olusegun, Biba Henry and Nicole Smallman’s deaths which have further showed the disregard there is for black lives by the police and public. There are some pretty fucked up things I have had to do/think about and that I’ve been told to think about by others for personal safety as a Black woman. Here are some of them :
1. "Carry a condom with you wherever you go...if you are attacked but fighting back would kill you, then you might be able to persuade your attacker to use a condom so don't get an STD or pregnant"...a family friend in Ethiopia told me that when I was 15 years old
2. "Keep your body neck down fully covered when we go out, and don't speak English…they will charge us more money for items but more importantly people might kidnap you" - my adoptive mother in Ethiopia every time we would visit the market when I was a teenager
3. "Shout fire instead of help when you are being attacked as people will more likely help you"
4. Having a video recording of a male actor friend that is filmed like a video call chat for when I get into Ubers, and in the video he leaves conversational pauses for me to interact with pretending to meet me when taxi arrives and asking me to send my location via Snapchat for safety.
5. Clutching keys between my fingers in my pockets which also have a mini rape alarm on the keychain
6. Not wearing headphones or heels at night
7. Walking in well lit areas
8. Avoiding quiet areas, parks, alleyways, bridge underpasses in the evenings
9. Stopping in the street if I hear footsteps behind me and turning round to look, pretending I’ve gone the wrong way or trying to find nothing in my pockets to see if they walk on by
10. Crossing the pavement evenings if I sense a presence behind me, and as I’ve been followed before close to my house I’ve kept walking past so they don’t know where I live
11. I’ve been sexually assaulted by men a couple of times on the London underground trains so I avoid busy carriages to avoid close proximity to men
12. Not leaving my drink unattended in the company of a man, even if I know them and agreeing safety signals with hospitality staff when meeting men in public
13. Not allowing men walk me home who offer to…just incase
BIPOC women, Trans women, BIPOC Trans women and Sex Workers are :
- less likely to be believed by police
- less likely to found or investigated by police if they go missing
If you are man speaking out and your comments include :
"As a Husband, Father, Son, Brother, Nephew"
"Not all men"
You can absolutely get in the bin! Seriously…
I am fucking sick and tired of how we are treated by men, the police and legal systems. Giving a shit about women on the basis of viewing us as extensions of binary societal roles that you as a man might possibly be impacted by second hand and/or trying to deflect from yourselves, makes you part of the problem. It may be not all men but it is certainly ALL women that are dying and traumatised at your hands and complicity. There are women in the UK who have been in quarantine with their abusers during this pandemic, their homes have not been safe spaces and now women are being told by police to stay at home because the streets are not safe for them….fuck that!
It isn’t our behaviour that needs changing, it’s yours! Men’s complicity in and perpetuation of violence, death and trauma towards marginalised genders needs to end and be held accountable for.
My heart goes out to Sarah Everard, Blessing Olusegun, Biba Henry, Nicole Smallman and the marginalised genders globally experiencing gender based violence. We deserve to be safe just existing.
Fuck Patriarchal White Supremacy!
